Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Lets go Crazy! Lets get Nuts!

‘The Landlord collects the rent’ (A. Bernstein - NBAE/Getty Images)
‘The Landlord collects the rent’
(A. Bernstein - NBAE/Getty Images)

What does Carlos Boozer, Three’s Company’s Mr. Furley and Donald Trump have in common? Well, they are all famous landlords, One is a budding NBA superstar, one is a goofy bumbling loser of a landlord and one was played by Don Knotts. I am assuming that being a landlord has its own set of problems and trials, mostly involving dripping faucets, wacky tenants, and clogged up toilets.

Lets Go Crazy!

One story that I thought sort of flew under the radar in Utah last year was about the troubles Boozer was having with his latest tenant. For landlords, its probably a pretty common problem, you rent out your place to a guy who is maybe just a little odd, but you rent to him anyway and then when it’s time to collect, you realize much to your horror, dude has made a few changes!! Probably every landlord has seen it, just the usual things like oh, “PAINTING the EXTERIOR of the HOUSE with PURPLE STRIPING!” and installing “a PURPLE MONOGRAMMED CARPET” in the MASTER BEDROOM!” for starters.

Keep in mind that this tenant wasn’t renting your average 2-bedroom tri-plex, with covered parking in Kearns. We are talking Boozers’ massive, yet strikingly humble, 10-bedroom, 11-bath West Hollywood pad for $70,000 PER MONTH! And this wasn’t just your average renter partying it up like it was 1999 in Boozers home. This wacky tenant, who obviously must not have read the fine print of his renter’s agreement, was none other than 6-time Grammy Award winning artist Prince.

Apparently, the little funky one needed a place to shack up for awhile, while in LA and the Holiday Inn was booked and the Motel 6 didn’t allow the birds (doves) so Boozer let him rent his little cottage. Boozer sued Prince when he discovered the new renovations, which also included “plumbing and piping” added to a bedroom “for water transfer for beauty salon chairs!” and the ‘Prince’ symbol also painted on the exterior of the house!

So Boozer is Prince’s landlord! What other little secrets did we not know about Boozer? Does he play Secret Santa for Warren Buffet? Does he pay Steven Spielberg to mow his lawn? Does Tom Cruise clean his pool? All I know is this: Carlos Boozer, you have officially ‘made it’ when Prince is renting from you.

Doesn’t this sound like the basis to a great sitcom? Boozer, played by Chris Rock, comes home from a long east-coast road trip, afraid to find out the latest trouble that our diminutive Prince, played by diminutive Gary Coleman, has gotten himself into. “Yo, PRINCE, get your little freaky, purple butt over here and explain to me exactly why my entire house is painted PURPLE?” or “why is my little red corvette now PURPLE?” Or “why are the elephant man’s bones in my hyperbaric chamber again?” (Oh wait, I am confusing my eccentric pop star references.) Coleman, playing Prince, can throw in a trademark “what you talkin’ bout Boozer?” and queue to laugh track.

They eventually settled their lawsuit and I just hope there are no hard feelings between the two superstars. In fact I think Prince was being prophetic all those years ago when he wrote Purple Rain. I think he had Boozer and his purple palace in mind when he wrote the following as only Prince can do:

I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow
I never meant 2 cause u any pain
I only wanted 2 one time see u laughing
I only wanted 2 see u laughing in the purple rain
Purple rain, Purple rain

I guess Carlos didn’t get the joke.

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