Paul Millsap Pulls Impala

‘Rearranging Milsap’ (Lisa Blumenfeld - NBAE/Getty Images)

As 2007 fades to black and the lingering strains of “don’t tase me bro!” drifts from our consciousness it is time to start anew. As the Jazz’ ‘trail of tears’ December debacle coincided with my annual end-of-the-year ‘trail of hacking mucus’ debacle of my own, I had to come up with something to amuse myself. So to copy an idea of Steve Rushin, a former writer for Sports Illustrated, I created some anagrams.

An anagram is a word or phrase formed by rearranging the letters of another word or phrase and using every letter just once. Sometimes they can ring truthful like rearranging ‘George Bush’ becomes ‘he bugs Gore’ or they can make little sense like how ‘Detroit Red Wings’ becomes ‘wetting disorder’. I really didn’t create these anagrams but through the miracle of technology I went here and entered some names in and it was interesting what popped out.

While rearranging his name I didn’t see ‘Paul Millsap’ as ‘a small pupil’, but I can easily believe that the rebounding machine ‘pulls Impala’. Deron Williams usually ‘owns allied rims’ or when the Jazz need him he ‘dials rim wen lo’. If you add Deron’s middle name of Michael you get ‘lewd millionaire chasm’ which foretells much about his future contract. I don’t believe for a minute that Ronnie Brewer is a ‘reborn wiener’ but I can see coach Gerald Eugene Sloan, in the near future when he finally hangs up his clip board, as ‘a renegade lone slug’ as his anagram suggests. While fickle Jazz fans boo former players like Fisher and Giracek, there is still “no angry noise seat rule” in place at the Energy Solutions Arena.

Matt Harpring appears to be in decent shape but his name suggests he’s more ‘rampant girth’. Much has been said about newcomer Kyle Elliot Korver’s looks but mix up his name and he’s just a ‘killer overt yokel’. CJ Miles’ given name is Calvin Andre Miles and his anagrams look more like National Enquirer headlines as in ‘Lends Maniac Liver’ and ‘Ill Rinsed Caveman’ to ‘Vermin Dalliances’ but my favorite was ‘recalled minivans’. John Houston Stockton was ‘hotshot jock; no nu snot’ and Carlos Austin Boozer is definitely a ‘zealous orb star icon. While I don’t really think that Andrei Gennadevich Kirilenko is ‘a deliverance drinking honkie’ but a ‘honkie in invalid redneck rage’ might explain this past summer.