Thursday, January 3, 2008

Calling Dr.Freud


(POSTED Dec 20, 2007)

'Is there a doctor in the house?’

“You know you really need some help. A regular psychiatrist couldn’t even help you. You need to go to like Vienna or something….You need to get involved at the University level. Like where Freud studied and have all those people looking at you and checking up on you. That’s the kind of help you need! Not the once a week for eighty bucks. No. You need a team. A team of psychiatrists working round the clock thinking about you, having conferences, observing you, like the way they did with the Elephant Man! That’s what I’m talking about because that’s the only way you’re going to get better.”… Jerry Seinfeld to George Costanza

In the far outer reaches of my right hemisphere, I dig deep trying to dredge up anything from my Psychology 101 class of many years ago. I find nothing but dusty stats from the ’72 Dolphins and, for some bizarre reason, the license plate number from the girl I loved (stalked) in the fourth grade (FHJ111). I have Googled everything from anxiety disorders and multiple personalities to schizophrenia and restless legs syndrome and still have absolutely no clue as to what has happened to the Utah Jazz.

Nine games ago, the Jazz were rated as high as number two on some of the power rankings. There was all-star talk and even MVP talk. Every game was in reach. They could have won every single game but walked away with just that… one single game. Their rankings have since dropped like a Jarron Collins flop and their total collapse reminds me of some old Vegas hotel brought down by synchronized explosive charges. In nine games they have gone from Big Man On Campus eating at the cool table to Computer Nerd With Headgear eating with the stage crew.

Each game has been particularly painful like some white-hot festering bunion. As each loss has merged into the next, I am reminded of the time I gave birth to, what seemed like, a two-pound jagged kidney stone that looked like a meteorite from the depths of Hell. The only thing that got me through that was an IV full of Morphine in the emergency room.

I could go back through each and every game but why should we when they have all been the exact same game. At this point I would rather take a blowout loss than one more last-minute choke job. Eight of the last nine games have been as predictable as a Gilligan’s Island re-run. Here is a portion of my notes from the last minutes of the Charlotte game but again, they are almost interchangeable with any of the other previous losses.

5:44 remaining Jazz leading 86-74
Boozer miss
Boozer sags off Mohammad who scores on him
D.Williams turnover
Boozer foul
D.Williams throws it away-Jazz get it back-shot clock violation
Brewer missed shot
D.Williams almost turns it over then misses lay-up
Boozer foul
Boozer turnover
Boozer miss
Brewer’s shot blocked
Boozer foul
Brewer traveling - turnover
Brewer miss
D.Williams foul
Boozer foul
Charlotte outscores Jazz 18 to 6 in the final 5:44
Charlotte goes on 13-0 run in 2 minutes and 20 seconds!!
Jazz lose 98-92

Deron Williams is better than that. Ronnie Brewer is better than that and we all know that Carlos Boozer is better than that. I still think this is a great team led by great players but they need to yank this ugly monkey off their backs. I think it is all mental. Pink Floyd sang that “the lunatic is in my head…there’s someone in my head but it’s not me…. and if the band you’re in starts playing different tunes. I’ll see you on the dark side of the moon” I don’t think the Jazz are quite to that point yet but if they don’t exorcise “the lunatic” soon even the Morphine won’t kill the pain.

6 comments:

lm said...

I love my Jazz but you have hit the nail on the head

qs_311 said...

I really enjoyed your sense of humor to relay some very good points. I look forward to reading more of your blog.

rj said...

Fire sloan!Hire DAVID BLATT!!!sloan doesn’t motivates his players he shames them!a coach should be like a father not a tyrant!!!

lm said...

rj………Can’t agree with one word you said!!!!!! How did he motivate these same players last year to do way better than they were ever expected to do? Do you think in the mode that if they are good it is because of the players and if they are bad it is the coach? I have lived with a coach for 40 years and have heard that thinking a lot. I agree that there is something wrong with the motivation or some such thing but I really think it is between the players. They had better get together and work their problems out like grown up NBA players or they shouldn’t be Jazz.

rrr said...

Oh gee Linda, you my most sincere condolences! :) You either have a great sense of purpose/humor/ or just able to put up with him! :):)

All of the players are capable of much better play they have provided the last few games, especially those lost in the stretch with 10 point leads with minutes to go. They messed up and they messed up big time!

This young team is learning, and doing Ok, yes I do not like or enjoy what they are going through either, but the sun will shine again. These are tough kids and they continue to learn to be tougher. And being tougher is exactly what they need be in this league. half the time I wonder when we will start making them wear helmets and such!

Harp was amazing tonight, to say that millsap kicked some bass would be a vast understatement! Jerry ball works and works very well, such was again played tonight. I hope they remember it for tomorrow as well.

Guys I’m so proud of you and your efforts.

lm said...

We heard some post game talk coming home from dinner but getting KJAZZ radio in the Idaho mountains is a joke. We heard enough to make me both want to laugh because they did so well and cry because I didn’t get to see it. I don’t know what was said between coaches and players or what was in the players minds but WOW! I think I heard that Millsap was out of sight and that TJ showed some greatness. Maybe it is coming to the surface about who wants to play and who doesn’t. Don’t you want to strangle them when you see all the talent on one night and watch it disappear the next. I do think that they have shown that they play to the level of the opposition. They lose to mediocre teams and rise to the occasion against the best. I love to hear your thoughts cause we don’t hear much here in Idaho. PS My guy is great. I have a sense of humor that gets me in trouble a lot of the time. I expect everyone to know when I am teasing and when I’m not and it doesn’t always work that wasy.